How grief led me to coaching
Hello. I’m Desiree, a Grief Coach
I’m glad you’re here
As someone experiencing grief and loss, you’re probably asking yourself “Can I trust this person with what I’m really feeling?” I’m here to tell you a bit about my story, where I struggled in grief and what inspired me to become a Grief Coach.
I believe that the world needs to normalize the experience of grief. The truth that I’ve learned – in both my life and my training is that grief is a universal human experience.
If we love, we will grieve
…but for most of us, myself included – our first experience with grief can take us to our knees (literally).
My first significant loss was the sudden loss of my father from a massive heart attack just after Christmas.
I was 21, a senior in college with 1 semester left before graduation. I’d accepted a job offer with an internationally recognized technology company. My launch into adulthood was on a wildly positive trajectory when my world stopped turning the night my father died.
I remember struggling deeply after this death.
Feeling like I lived in a fog.
I often felt as if I had landed on a different planet. I would walk through the world watching everyone go on with their daily lives while I felt the foundation of my entire life had shifted. The worst part?
No one knew what was going on inside of me.
The world didn’t make sense anymore
I was confused and lost.
I would have dreams that my father’s death wasn’t real, only to wake up realizing it was my new reality. I started resisting sleeping because waking up to reality was too hard.
Not sleeping was not helpful to my goal of graduating on time and starting my dream job.
I became desperate for some relief.
I met with clergy, therapists – anyone who would talk to me.
I was hoping to find some answers, or at least some understanding about what was happening to me.
I found myself in the local bookstore, sitting in the aisle taking every book off the shelf – one by one – skimming through it to see if it could explain ANY of this to me. I found one book that helped – from a medium that explained how he could still communicate with his loved ones that had passed. It gave me hope and that’s all I needed to draw me forward.
In those 20+ years since my father’s death, not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.
Even though I’ve since experienced divorce, losses of multiple pets and the loss of my mother, grief is still a struggle some days.
When my marriage was failing and I initiated the divorce process, I felt prepared for any emotions related to grief. I’d been through hell already, I thought I would sail through my divorce.
Once again, grief showed up and reminded me how deeply it hurts, even when it’s a decision you make.
Not long after my divorce was final, my mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness (ALS, Lou Gherig’s disease). That grief experience was another reckoning.
That brought up anticipatory grief, disbelief of her diagnosis, and sad moments of knowing my mom’s time on earth was coming to a close. There were smaller losses on that journey, too – like the grief of not being able to hear her voice (she could no longer speak).
Losing my mom was a different grief experience, but also very painful.
I was parent-less just after turning 42. Again, an outsider in my friend group and feeling like an outsider, without a life partner to support me. I was still rebuilding after my divorce.
My emotions were still raw from my divorce, yet there was more pain and grief.
I returned to work just before the COVID pandemic began. I lost my job just a few months into the pandemic – another loss, more grief. It was then that I decided to shift away from my career in technology and focus on more heart-centered work: coaching.
I signed up for grief training for my own healing. Shortly after my grief education wrapped up, I was enrolled in a coach training program. I knew that coaching was my passion and future career path. I planned to coach those in midlife going through a major life shift to find a new foundation.
I didn’t realize that coaching + grief work would converge. Many coaches heard my story, learned of my training and started referring clients to me.
It was through understanding grief that I found my greatest healing.
Helping humans understand grief so they can find the path that’s best for them became my mission.
As a logical-analytical thinker, I always want to know how something works. I find it helpful to have an understanding, a map, if you will – of what is going on. This is what I help clients with – understanding grief.
Understanding their loss, so they can find their path to healing.
I believe that the more we can understand grief, the more we can all help others as they are going through it.
It’s not a question of IF, but WHEN someone will grieve. By reaching out for support during this process, you’ll be able to support others when it’s their turn in the ring. And one by one, we can change society’s perception of grief, the shame around it and support them in constructive ways.
If this sounds like the solution you’ve been looking for, I’d love to talk.
