Transitions | Desiree Doucet

From Self-Judgment to Self-Discovery: Unmasking Your Inner Judge

Sep 19, 2023 | Positive Intelligence, Tools, Transitions

Meeting My Judge

It was the summer of 2015, and I found myself in a serene mountain home on a silent yoga retreat, with a 100-foot natural waterfall just off the back patio. It was pure paradise.

The idea to embark on this journey came to me one morning, as I was resting in a hotel in rural IL after supporting my ex-husband’s family through a grueling battle with a terminal illness (we were still married at the time). Little did I know that this retreat would be the catalyst for a profound inner awakening.

Turning to my phone, I searched for a yoga and meditation retreat That’s when I stumbled upon the perfect retreat and eagerly signed up, even persuading a friend to join me. Little did we know that this was a silent retreat.

From Friday night until Sunday, silence was required of the retreat attendees. No exchange of casual conversations between classes, just an opportunity to immerse ourselves in our own thoughts. It was strangely liberating, but it also unearthed a deep awareness of my critical inner voice – my Judge.

For the first time, I paused and truly listened – allowing myself to hear the hurtful things that the Judge whispered about me, about others, and about the world around me. This pivotal moment opened my eyes to a new understanding, one that held the potential to transform my life. But with this newfound insight came a flood of questions.

Who Was This?

At first I was confused.

I asked myself. “Who was this inner critic? Was I a bad person deserving of such negativity? Did I do something to bring this judgment upon myself?”

I felt like I was losing my grip on reality, and the uncertainty was overwhelming.

After the retreat, my friend and I shared a bit about our experience during the silent period. To my relief, she was experiencing a similar encounter with her own Judge. It was a glimmer of reassurance that I wasn’t alone in this journey of self-discovery. Yet, it would take me seven long years before finding a program that could shed light on this phenomenon I had experienced – the powerful force known as the “Judge” – and provide me with the tools to truly understand it.

We All Have a Judge

Here’s what I have come to realize: every single person on this planet carries their own inner critic.

It is the birthplace of self-doubt, where our perception of our own worthiness is called into question. It influences the way we pass judgment on others and how we perceive the circumstances unfolding in our lives.

This Judge has three distinct facets: judgment of self, judgment of others, and judgment of situations.

Learning About Mental Fitness Helps Keep your Judge in Check

Armed with this knowledge, I am ready to share my journey with you. Together, we can navigate the complexities of this critical inner voice and learn to transform its oppressive whispers into empowering affirmations.

We all deserve to embrace our self-worth, cultivate compassion for others, and approach life’s challenges with a renewed sense of openness. Through self-reflection, support, and valuable resources, I am here to guide you on this transformative path toward self-discovery.

If you’re ready to embark on this empowering journey, I invite you to join me for a webinar where I explain the concepts of Mental Fitness.

Judging is one way we self-sabotage.

Mental Fitness is a practice that allows humans to understand how they self-sabotage, detect when they’re engaging in that behavior, and discern whether they’d like to shift.

You also learn the tools to shift – in the moment, in real time. It helps with resilience, improves relationships, allows you to show up as your best self, and more.

Clients who have completed this program report life-changing insights, a toolset that is available and accessible to them for the rest of their lives. This is one investment in yourself you won’t regret.

Growth and transformation are always available to you. Developing a Mental Fitness practice will accelerate your results, paving the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future.

© 2022 Positive Intelligence, LLC. All rights reserved. No reproduction, alteration,translation,publication or distribution,in any form,printed or electronic, is permitted without the express prior written consent of Positive Intelligence, LLC. POSITIVE INTELLIGENCE®, PQ®, PQ COACH™, CERTIFIED PQ COACH™, and P+ logo™are trademarks of Positive Intelligence,LLC.

DISCLAIMERS:The coach identified here is an independent member of the PQ Coach program, and not an employee, agent or representative of Positive Intelligence, LLC. The coaching program offered herein is independently owned and operated by the coach, and is not affiliated with or endorsed or sponsored by Positive Intelligence, LLC. PROGRAM CONTENT AND MATERIAL DO NOT CONSTITUTE MEDICAL OR MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE AND ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL CARE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT OF ANY MEDICAL OR MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION

This blog post is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. Desiree is not a professionally trained therapist. If you are in need of assistance from a professionally trained therapist or counselor, please seek help. This is simply a guide of what many people experience during a change or shift in their life.

We participate in various affiliate programs where a small commission may be earned at no additional cost to you if you purchase a product using links in this document. We appreciate your support if you should choose to purchase a product or service that we recommend.

Navigating Burnout & Overwhlem: Embracing Mental Fitness to Rediscover Balance and Thrive

Sep 12, 2023 | Positive Intelligence, Transitions

Life can be Overwhelming

Life can feel like a whirlwind, leaving us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and disconnected. The constant demands and pressures can take a toll on our mental well-being, leading to a state of burnout. This is especially true if you’re a woman in midlife. So many times we’re expected to take on not only the physical tasks around the home and child-rearing, but also the mental tasks – making the grocery lists, remembering who needs what for school that day – scheduling/keeping up with doctor’s appointments. It can be overwhelming, especially if you’re feeling sandwiched between caring for parents, raising kids AND holding down a full-time job.

I’m not about to tell you that you can do everything perfectly every day. My goal is to help you navigate this time with more grace, compassion and love for yourself and be able to extend that to others. But first, we must understand what burnout is, how we get there, and how we may be able to offer support to ourselves so that we can show up as our best selves and give this time in our life our best shot – at loving others, supporting them and navigating life with authenticity. It starts with us.

Let’s explore the symptoms of burnout, understand its impact on our lives, and discover how mental fitness can be the guiding light in overcoming this exhausting phase.

Symptoms of Burnout

Burnout is not just an everyday fatigue; it runs much deeper, affecting our physical, emotional, and mental states. Recognizing the signs of burnout is crucial in addressing the issue proactively.

Here are some common symptoms to look out for:

1. Exhaustion:

Feeling drained and depleted – both physically and emotionally, even after getting adequate rest.

2. Decreased Performance:

Struggling to concentrate, reduced productivity, and feelings of inefficiency.

3. Emotional Detachment:

Experiencing cynicism, indifference towards work or relationships, and a sense of detachment.

4. Increased Irritability:

Becoming easily irritable, impatient, and having a negative outlook on tasks or interactions.

5. Diminished Satisfaction:

Feeling disillusioned, discouraged, and lacking the motivation and enthusiasm that once fueled us

Burnout not only affects our day-to-day lives but it also takes a toll on our overall mental well-being. Prolonged stress and exhaustion can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness.

It becomes crucial to address burnout and prioritize our mental fitness to maintain a balanced and fulfilling life.

How Mental Fitness Can Help

When I was recovering from burnout after years of stressful, life-altering experiences – I gained the most traction from the time I spent working on my mental fitness and building new neural pathways.

If you’re “resting”, but silently judging and beating yourself up while you rest – that’s not rest.

You’re not truly resting if you’re judging yourself, unable to accept the truth that you are a human – not a robot – and it’s okay to be tired and require periods of rest to re-charge.

Mental Fitness tackles not only how judgement sabotages us, but the other 9 ways we self-sabotage.

1. Stress Management:

Developing effective stress management techniques is key to preventing and overcoming burnout. Giving your brain a break from the constant survival mode is key.

We’ve all heard that we need to practice more mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and practicing self-compassion, but who has the time to sit for 30 minutes when they feel stressed? One sure-fire way to make an already overwhelmed person feel more overwhelmed is to tell them they need to meditate for 30 minutes and if they don’t have time for that, they should really meditate for an hour.

Yes, I see you glaring at me…. Mental Fitness teaches you how just a few moments of mindfulness can help you shift into a wise mind. I call it tactical mindfulness and just 3 minutes can make a difference…and don’t try to tell me you can’t find 3 minutes in your day. Try borrowing it from your time spent watching short videos on social media <side eye>. You know what I mean <sly grin>

2. Self-Care and Balance:

Burnout often stems from neglecting self-care routines and failing to maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Prioritizing self-care activities, setting boundaries, and allocating time for rest and rejuvenation can play a significant role in preventing burnout. But how do you even KNOW to set boundaries when you’re in survival mode? The tools of mental fitness will give you tools to access those moments of clarity, helping you understand WHEN you need to set a boundary and WHAT that might look like.

If you are constantly trying to catch up, then how on earth can you ever stop to assess what you need?

These small moments of checking in help you make better decisions for YOU – and you know best what you need.

3. Building Resilience:

Burnout can shake our confidence and resilience, making it difficult to bounce back from setbacks.

Mental Fitness helps to break the cycle of spinning in emotions and overwhelm. The negative emotion acts as a signal, which tells us that something is off.

Then you can use the tools you learned in Positive Intelligence and assess how best to proceed – using decision making originating from the part of your brain where your creativity & intuition lives, which leads to decisions that are better aligned with who you am and what you need.

4. Seeking Support:

It’s important to remember that we don’t have to face burnout alone. During burnout, it’s easy to deny what’s happening and try to tie that superhero cape on a bit tighter, just thinking if I had better “big girl panties” and maybe some SPANX…I could achieve this goal, get this thing done – wrestle my way into motivating myself when I am running on empty.

We heal in community. We recognize our own struggles and receive wisdom and support from others. We are communal creatures – even the introverts need a bit of community (within reason). Mental Fitness will give you an understanding of concepts, a community to support you in your journey, which is priceless.

5. Embracing Personal Growth:

Burnout can be a wake-up call, urging us to address underlying issues and rediscover our true passions and purpose.

When we realize how we may have been suppressing our true desires, calling or not making time for the things that truly bring us joy, we can adjust course. Bringing joy, purpose and passion into our lives will help us recover from burnout. Imagine if life was a constant uphill battle and you were NEVER allowed to stop for a water or rest break. That would be insane, right?

Learn from your journey, stop and assess. Do we need some water? How about a snack? Should we take a break for a while? Find some time to laugh and find joy. We weren’t put in this giant spinning rock in space to have a miserable existence every day. Let’s use this experience to learn about ourselves and chart a more sustainable future for ourselves and perhaps inspire others to do the same.

Give Yourself Grace

Burnout is a significant challenge, but it is not insurmountable. By prioritizing Mental Fitness, you can regain control of our life, overcome burnout, and embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery.

You are not alone in this. Reach out for the support you deserve and take the first steps towards building a life that excites and fulfills you. Embrace the power of mental fitness and embark on a path toward regaining balance, resilience, and overall well-being. You deserve it.

Learn More about Mental Fitness

One of the most impactful practices I’ve ever adopted is learning about Positive Intelligence and building a regular practice of PQ© reps. I am a PQ© Coach and can take clients through an 8-week process to understand the concepts of Positive Intelligence© and how to do PQ© reps. The methods will help you understand how to shift from a stress-filled Saboteur-led mindset to more of a wise, Sage mindset where you make better decisions and can more easily access insight, intuition, and deeply held wisdom. If you’re interested in that program, I host regular webinars where I talk about these concepts and the program. Register for my next webinar here.

Regardless of your journey and the solutions you choose to help you discern, learn + grow – I wish you well on your journey. May this time bring you insights and wisdom and help you grow into the person you most wish to become.

Want more info? Book a Discovery Call with me.

Life Transitions – A survival guide

Apr 8, 2023 | Positive Intelligence, Transitions

First of all – what is a life transition?

I’d like to take a moment and normalize life transitions. They are a part of life – sometimes we see them coming, other times they sneak up on us, and sometimes they completely blindside us. Regardless of how we end up there, we all experience them – it doesn’t mean they’re easy or fun to navigate. Some can be downright awful, but that’s why I am here – to help you figure out your path forward, to gather the lessons learned after the transition(s) and get you back on your feet, ready to take on another day.

Life transitions can be: becoming a parent, having your children grow up + leave the nest, the end of a long term relationship (or marriage), the loss of a loved one or a career change. It can even be a years-long worldwide pandemic or a natural disaster.

The commonality of all life transitions is that they shake up our lives and our routines. They may even cause us to pause and re-evaluate beliefs, habits, patterns, friendships, social circles or values. Life transitions can be a distressing time. These times may include grief, emotional processing, therapy and change that requires acceptance and adaptation.

Transitions are often a time of great uncertainty and deeply unsettling. If you’re in the midst of a transition right now, have faith – like all things in life “this too, shall pass”. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. I say that with humor – because in the middle of some of my transitions I certainly wished that awful time would pass – I didn’t care if it felt like a kidney stone (and trust me, some of my transitions were painful). In the end, I was able to extract lessons + growth from all of them and I feel that my journey has prepared me to help others through theirs. This is my calling and it’s my honor to be there to support you in your journey.

Back to Life transitions…

If you’re going through it – whatever it is – know that it’s totally normal to have big emotions and feel like the world may be spinning out of control. Especially if this transition involves deeply emotional shifts (the loss of a loved one or the ending of a long term relationship), it is wise to seek therapy or counseling to work through those feelings.

Coaches can help, but coaches are not professionally trained therapists. When working with a coach, they may refer you to a therapist if they feel you need additional support than what they are able to offer you. Another good idea is to build a support network of friends + family when you’re going through a major change. You may want to search for support groups in your area or online for people experiencing your specific life transition. In my experience, those who were walking a similar walk as I was were very helpful in my journey.

A few helpful tips …

Be gentle with yourself – it’s totally normal to be exhausted by the upheaval of the transition. If you’re learning a new skill, that’s very taxing on your brain. Give yourself grace and extra time to rest, if needed. If you’re walking through grief, that can be positively exhausting and that’s totally normal. If you need more rest than your normally would or you find yourself more emotionally spent than you normally are, those are all things going through grief and transition typically experience. If your exhaustion gets to a level where you cannot complete daily self-care and home care tasks, you may wish to speak to a professional to seek assistance.

I’ve also found that boundaries are helpful, especially in periods of deep emotional change. A great resource on boundaries is Melissa Urban’s “The Book of Boundaries” (affiliate link) – she gives a great overview of boundaries, what they are and what they are not in an easy to read book that is entertaining as well as information. She gives readers options for gentle, firm and firmer delivery of the same boundary, in case the person you are interacting with is having difficulty hearing or accepting your boundary.

Other forms of self-reflection such as journaling, walks in nature and quiet contemplation are great additions to help you discern your path forward and any lessons you may want to process and take forward in your next phase of life.

Times of transition are also the perfect time to invest in and learn about tools that help you weather the storm(s) of your life, it could be a modality such as EFT/Tapping or developing a mental fitness practice.

One of the most impactful practices I’ve ever adopted is learning about Positive Intelligence and building a regular practice of PQ© reps. I am a PQ© Coach and can take clients through a 6-week process to understand the concepts of Positive Intelligence© and how to do PQ© reps. The methods will help you understand how to shift from a stress filled Saboteur led mindset to more of a wise, Sage mindset where you make better decisions and can more easily access insight, intuition and deeply held wisdom. If you’re interested in that program, you can read more here.

What to Expect in a Coaching Session

Mar 29, 2023 | Transitions

You hired a coach? Awesome! Now you’re asking yourself “What is going to happen in a coaching session?”

That’s what I’m here to tell you – so you can go into a coaching session prepared and ready to get the most out of the time you have with your coach.

First, it’s helpful if you have a topic identified to discuss with your coach before arriving at the session. Most coaches will go through a brief set of questions when beginning a coaching session that are geared toward clarifying the topic that you’d like to work on during the session and your goal of what you’d like to have completed by the end of the session. It’s helpful if you have some idea of what you’d like to discuss.

When you arrive at the session, especially if you are stressed or frazzled – the coach may do a moment or two of “centering” or grounding. This is to help you release some stress so you can be present for the session and get the most out of the time with your coach. This may be similar to a guided meditation. If you feel self conscious, you can always turn off your camera (if you are meeting virtually) or keep your eyes open if closing your eyes feels uncomfortable for you – softening your gaze is a great option if you’re not comfortable closing your eyes.

The coaching session should feel like a safe space where you can express your needs, so if something isn’t comfortable for you, speak up and discuss it with your coach. Remember, coaching is a partnership between you and your coach. It’s okay to speak up, ask for what you need from your coach. Coaching sessions are a safe space where it’s okay to assert your needs and feel heard/validated. There’s no reason to stress about a coaching session – coaches aim to provide a safe, judgment free zone to discuss whatever topic you would like to discuss.

The coach will ask open-ended questions that are designed to help you discern what may be standing in the way of something you’re looking to change, understand more fully or overcome. If there are moments of silence, that’s okay, too. Take your time to pause and reflect when answering the questions they present to you. You are in control of the session and the direction of the session. If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with the direction the session is taking, it’s okay to address it with your coach. The coach is there to partner with you and help you arrive at the goal you set forth for your session or coaching journey (some goals may take multiple sessions to move toward a larger goal).

At the end of the session, the coach will usually check in with you and reflect on insights from the session. They may also ask you what you learned and what action(s) you intend to take to move you closer to your goal in between sessions. Many times, a thought or question raised during a session could lead to insights between sessions. They may also ask you to do some additional work between sessions. This may include journaling, some thought-work or prioritizing a list of values that are most important to you. If you have questions about any of this, ask your coach.

Coaching should feel like a supportive and safe space to share, explore and grow in your journey.

If you’re interested in learning more about coaching, you may book a complimentary discovery session with me. I’m happy to answer any questions you may have about my coaching methods, training and tools available to use with clients.

Download my eBook “10 Ways to Reconnect with Yourself” and take one step closer to creating a life that energizes you.

How can a Life Coach help me?

Mar 15, 2023 | Transitions

…and what does a Life Coach do?

If you’re most people, you didn’t really know what life coaches do. A few days ago, it dawned on me that most people don’t really know what coaches do and how a coach can help them on their journey. So, bear with me while I explain a bit about coaching and how it may be able to help you.

We all know how sports coaches work with athletes to help them improve their skills, mindset and identify areas for future growth. That makes sense. Most of us don’t realize that when it comes to life, we can also benefit from coaching concepts and assistance. Your mindset when it comes to life is one of the most impactful things you can control – when your life may feel completely out of control. This is something I never learned in my youth and only started to understand in the last 10 years of my life. I had choices. Life didn’t just “happen” to me. I could make choices about my actions AND the beliefs I held on to so tightly.

If you’re rebuilding your life after a major shift, coaching can be incredibly helpful to you. Coaches have access to tools and they are trained on concepts to help you uncover what your ideal life looks and feels like for you. Coaching is not a regulated industry, so not all coach training is the same and coaches aren’t even required to be trained in coaching tools and skills in order to work with clients.

That didn’t sit well with me. I knew from my own experience after major life transitions that this can be a very delicate time and rebuilding can stretch and grow you in ways you aren’t prepared for. I decided to find a comprehensive coaching program with a proven methodology, skills and assessments to help me help my clients experience lasting change in their lives.

When you work with me, you’ll learn and grow in ways that are sustainable long term. You’ll be able to glean the lessons from your experiences so that you can use those as a stepping stone to your next phase in life – whatever you define that to be and look like. Working with me will give you access to measurable assessments and tools you can use to see your progress before and after our work together.

Coaching is a partnership – a judgement free, safe place to express, explore, learn and grow with someone to guide you as you’re settling and adjusting into a new phase of life. Powerful life coaches will help you uncover the answers that you hold inside of your heart – accessing the wisdom from within. No one has the lived experience that you have, so how can someone else who just met you even begin to know what the right answers are for you? Allowing you to choose how to proceed gives you the buy-in and builds your confidence throughout the coaching engagement so that you come out of the experience stronger and more able to handle any future life transitions. Your coach will be there to help you stay motivated, hold you accountable and assist you in getting “un-stuck” if you feel stuck in indecision or inaction.

Teaching you these tools as well as how to access your powerful intution to find the answers will lead to sustained change. As someone who has been through divorce, loss of both of my parents, career change and building a new business – I know firsthand how major life shifts can really upend your life and cause stress. The interesting fact is that we don’t work at our best under tremendous stress. Finding a peaceful, soul centered path for you to navigate during this transition will be imperative to your growth from the phase of life that is ending and help you blossom into your next phase of life.

If you are going through a major life shift and you’re interested in learning more about coaching, book a complimentary discovery call with me.

Download my eBook “10 Ways to Reconnect with Yourself” and take one step closer to creating a life that energizes you.