Positive Intelligence | Desiree Doucet

From Self-Judgment to Self-Discovery: Unmasking Your Inner Judge

Sep 19, 2023 | Positive Intelligence, Tools, Transitions

Meeting My Judge

It was the summer of 2015, and I found myself in a serene mountain home on a silent yoga retreat, with a 100-foot natural waterfall just off the back patio. It was pure paradise.

The idea to embark on this journey came to me one morning, as I was resting in a hotel in rural IL after supporting my ex-husband’s family through a grueling battle with a terminal illness (we were still married at the time). Little did I know that this retreat would be the catalyst for a profound inner awakening.

Turning to my phone, I searched for a yoga and meditation retreat That’s when I stumbled upon the perfect retreat and eagerly signed up, even persuading a friend to join me. Little did we know that this was a silent retreat.

From Friday night until Sunday, silence was required of the retreat attendees. No exchange of casual conversations between classes, just an opportunity to immerse ourselves in our own thoughts. It was strangely liberating, but it also unearthed a deep awareness of my critical inner voice – my Judge.

For the first time, I paused and truly listened – allowing myself to hear the hurtful things that the Judge whispered about me, about others, and about the world around me. This pivotal moment opened my eyes to a new understanding, one that held the potential to transform my life. But with this newfound insight came a flood of questions.

Who Was This?

At first I was confused.

I asked myself. “Who was this inner critic? Was I a bad person deserving of such negativity? Did I do something to bring this judgment upon myself?”

I felt like I was losing my grip on reality, and the uncertainty was overwhelming.

After the retreat, my friend and I shared a bit about our experience during the silent period. To my relief, she was experiencing a similar encounter with her own Judge. It was a glimmer of reassurance that I wasn’t alone in this journey of self-discovery. Yet, it would take me seven long years before finding a program that could shed light on this phenomenon I had experienced – the powerful force known as the “Judge” – and provide me with the tools to truly understand it.

We All Have a Judge

Here’s what I have come to realize: every single person on this planet carries their own inner critic.

It is the birthplace of self-doubt, where our perception of our own worthiness is called into question. It influences the way we pass judgment on others and how we perceive the circumstances unfolding in our lives.

This Judge has three distinct facets: judgment of self, judgment of others, and judgment of situations.

Learning About Mental Fitness Helps Keep your Judge in Check

Armed with this knowledge, I am ready to share my journey with you. Together, we can navigate the complexities of this critical inner voice and learn to transform its oppressive whispers into empowering affirmations.

We all deserve to embrace our self-worth, cultivate compassion for others, and approach life’s challenges with a renewed sense of openness. Through self-reflection, support, and valuable resources, I am here to guide you on this transformative path toward self-discovery.

If you’re ready to embark on this empowering journey, I invite you to join me for a webinar where I explain the concepts of Mental Fitness.

Judging is one way we self-sabotage.

Mental Fitness is a practice that allows humans to understand how they self-sabotage, detect when they’re engaging in that behavior, and discern whether they’d like to shift.

You also learn the tools to shift – in the moment, in real time. It helps with resilience, improves relationships, allows you to show up as your best self, and more.

Clients who have completed this program report life-changing insights, a toolset that is available and accessible to them for the rest of their lives. This is one investment in yourself you won’t regret.

Growth and transformation are always available to you. Developing a Mental Fitness practice will accelerate your results, paving the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future.

© 2022 Positive Intelligence, LLC. All rights reserved. No reproduction, alteration,translation,publication or distribution,in any form,printed or electronic, is permitted without the express prior written consent of Positive Intelligence, LLC. POSITIVE INTELLIGENCE®, PQ®, PQ COACH™, CERTIFIED PQ COACH™, and P+ logo™are trademarks of Positive Intelligence,LLC.

DISCLAIMERS:The coach identified here is an independent member of the PQ Coach program, and not an employee, agent or representative of Positive Intelligence, LLC. The coaching program offered herein is independently owned and operated by the coach, and is not affiliated with or endorsed or sponsored by Positive Intelligence, LLC. PROGRAM CONTENT AND MATERIAL DO NOT CONSTITUTE MEDICAL OR MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE AND ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL CARE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT OF ANY MEDICAL OR MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION

This blog post is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. Desiree is not a professionally trained therapist. If you are in need of assistance from a professionally trained therapist or counselor, please seek help. This is simply a guide of what many people experience during a change or shift in their life.

We participate in various affiliate programs where a small commission may be earned at no additional cost to you if you purchase a product using links in this document. We appreciate your support if you should choose to purchase a product or service that we recommend.

Navigating Burnout & Overwhlem: Embracing Mental Fitness to Rediscover Balance and Thrive

Sep 12, 2023 | Positive Intelligence, Transitions

Life can be Overwhelming

Life can feel like a whirlwind, leaving us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and disconnected. The constant demands and pressures can take a toll on our mental well-being, leading to a state of burnout. This is especially true if you’re a woman in midlife. So many times we’re expected to take on not only the physical tasks around the home and child-rearing, but also the mental tasks – making the grocery lists, remembering who needs what for school that day – scheduling/keeping up with doctor’s appointments. It can be overwhelming, especially if you’re feeling sandwiched between caring for parents, raising kids AND holding down a full-time job.

I’m not about to tell you that you can do everything perfectly every day. My goal is to help you navigate this time with more grace, compassion and love for yourself and be able to extend that to others. But first, we must understand what burnout is, how we get there, and how we may be able to offer support to ourselves so that we can show up as our best selves and give this time in our life our best shot – at loving others, supporting them and navigating life with authenticity. It starts with us.

Let’s explore the symptoms of burnout, understand its impact on our lives, and discover how mental fitness can be the guiding light in overcoming this exhausting phase.

Symptoms of Burnout

Burnout is not just an everyday fatigue; it runs much deeper, affecting our physical, emotional, and mental states. Recognizing the signs of burnout is crucial in addressing the issue proactively.

Here are some common symptoms to look out for:

1. Exhaustion:

Feeling drained and depleted – both physically and emotionally, even after getting adequate rest.

2. Decreased Performance:

Struggling to concentrate, reduced productivity, and feelings of inefficiency.

3. Emotional Detachment:

Experiencing cynicism, indifference towards work or relationships, and a sense of detachment.

4. Increased Irritability:

Becoming easily irritable, impatient, and having a negative outlook on tasks or interactions.

5. Diminished Satisfaction:

Feeling disillusioned, discouraged, and lacking the motivation and enthusiasm that once fueled us

Burnout not only affects our day-to-day lives but it also takes a toll on our overall mental well-being. Prolonged stress and exhaustion can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness.

It becomes crucial to address burnout and prioritize our mental fitness to maintain a balanced and fulfilling life.

How Mental Fitness Can Help

When I was recovering from burnout after years of stressful, life-altering experiences – I gained the most traction from the time I spent working on my mental fitness and building new neural pathways.

If you’re “resting”, but silently judging and beating yourself up while you rest – that’s not rest.

You’re not truly resting if you’re judging yourself, unable to accept the truth that you are a human – not a robot – and it’s okay to be tired and require periods of rest to re-charge.

Mental Fitness tackles not only how judgement sabotages us, but the other 9 ways we self-sabotage.

1. Stress Management:

Developing effective stress management techniques is key to preventing and overcoming burnout. Giving your brain a break from the constant survival mode is key.

We’ve all heard that we need to practice more mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and practicing self-compassion, but who has the time to sit for 30 minutes when they feel stressed? One sure-fire way to make an already overwhelmed person feel more overwhelmed is to tell them they need to meditate for 30 minutes and if they don’t have time for that, they should really meditate for an hour.

Yes, I see you glaring at me…. Mental Fitness teaches you how just a few moments of mindfulness can help you shift into a wise mind. I call it tactical mindfulness and just 3 minutes can make a difference…and don’t try to tell me you can’t find 3 minutes in your day. Try borrowing it from your time spent watching short videos on social media <side eye>. You know what I mean <sly grin>

2. Self-Care and Balance:

Burnout often stems from neglecting self-care routines and failing to maintain a healthy work-life balance.

Prioritizing self-care activities, setting boundaries, and allocating time for rest and rejuvenation can play a significant role in preventing burnout. But how do you even KNOW to set boundaries when you’re in survival mode? The tools of mental fitness will give you tools to access those moments of clarity, helping you understand WHEN you need to set a boundary and WHAT that might look like.

If you are constantly trying to catch up, then how on earth can you ever stop to assess what you need?

These small moments of checking in help you make better decisions for YOU – and you know best what you need.

3. Building Resilience:

Burnout can shake our confidence and resilience, making it difficult to bounce back from setbacks.

Mental Fitness helps to break the cycle of spinning in emotions and overwhelm. The negative emotion acts as a signal, which tells us that something is off.

Then you can use the tools you learned in Positive Intelligence and assess how best to proceed – using decision making originating from the part of your brain where your creativity & intuition lives, which leads to decisions that are better aligned with who you am and what you need.

4. Seeking Support:

It’s important to remember that we don’t have to face burnout alone. During burnout, it’s easy to deny what’s happening and try to tie that superhero cape on a bit tighter, just thinking if I had better “big girl panties” and maybe some SPANX…I could achieve this goal, get this thing done – wrestle my way into motivating myself when I am running on empty.

We heal in community. We recognize our own struggles and receive wisdom and support from others. We are communal creatures – even the introverts need a bit of community (within reason). Mental Fitness will give you an understanding of concepts, a community to support you in your journey, which is priceless.

5. Embracing Personal Growth:

Burnout can be a wake-up call, urging us to address underlying issues and rediscover our true passions and purpose.

When we realize how we may have been suppressing our true desires, calling or not making time for the things that truly bring us joy, we can adjust course. Bringing joy, purpose and passion into our lives will help us recover from burnout. Imagine if life was a constant uphill battle and you were NEVER allowed to stop for a water or rest break. That would be insane, right?

Learn from your journey, stop and assess. Do we need some water? How about a snack? Should we take a break for a while? Find some time to laugh and find joy. We weren’t put in this giant spinning rock in space to have a miserable existence every day. Let’s use this experience to learn about ourselves and chart a more sustainable future for ourselves and perhaps inspire others to do the same.

Give Yourself Grace

Burnout is a significant challenge, but it is not insurmountable. By prioritizing Mental Fitness, you can regain control of our life, overcome burnout, and embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery.

You are not alone in this. Reach out for the support you deserve and take the first steps towards building a life that excites and fulfills you. Embrace the power of mental fitness and embark on a path toward regaining balance, resilience, and overall well-being. You deserve it.

Learn More about Mental Fitness

One of the most impactful practices I’ve ever adopted is learning about Positive Intelligence and building a regular practice of PQ© reps. I am a PQ© Coach and can take clients through an 8-week process to understand the concepts of Positive Intelligence© and how to do PQ© reps. The methods will help you understand how to shift from a stress-filled Saboteur-led mindset to more of a wise, Sage mindset where you make better decisions and can more easily access insight, intuition, and deeply held wisdom. If you’re interested in that program, I host regular webinars where I talk about these concepts and the program. Register for my next webinar here.

Regardless of your journey and the solutions you choose to help you discern, learn + grow – I wish you well on your journey. May this time bring you insights and wisdom and help you grow into the person you most wish to become.

Want more info? Book a Discovery Call with me.

I’ve been on a Quest

Jun 15, 2023 | Positive Intelligence

Welcome to Midlife

The years in midlife can be a real challenge. It seems like one life-changing situation pops up just after you think you’ve whacked all of the moles from that silly “Whack-A-Mole” game from our childhood outings at Chuck E. Cheese. How do I know? I’ve been there.

I am emerging from what I jokingly refer to as my “Decade of Doom”. Going through it wasn’t much fun at the time. I had multiple life-changing events hit in rapid succession, which I’m now understanding is typical during midlife.

I was frazzled and felt stuck, and chances you – you may feel this way, too. My health was suffering. I was exhausted all the time. I was processing emotions I’d stuffed for years because I was too busy and stressed to be able to unpack and process them. I was a mess. Sound familiar?

So let me tell you one of the best ways I helped myself emerge from my “Decade of Doom” with more wisdom, understanding and grace for myself and for others.

I embarked on a Quest

I’ve spent the last 8 months on a quest – a “being” quest – aimed at working on internal goals. Namely, who do I wish to “BE”. I also defined a “Doing” quest – a goal I wanted to work towards, more of a traditional type goal.

The goal of my “Being” quest was to cultivate compassion, kindness, empathy and love for myself. As someone who has been constantly told “You’re so hard on yourself!” my entire life, it felt odd to me to really examine and learn about the concept of love and compassion in relation to myself.

Whereas my “Doing” quest focused on building my coaching business and other income streams to better support myself financially.

These quest was part of a 6-month program, offered by Positive Intelligence for their PQ® coaches – called PQ® Mastery. All participants in the program were asked to define a quest which they worked toward during the program.

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

My start in the Mastery program was a bit rocky. My Saboteurs were doing everything they could to derail me. It felt like I was fighting against myself. One example: the first week of the Mastery program, I actually dialed in from my pop-up trailer. When I jumped into registration for the event, I realized the first meeting date coincided with the start date of an event I’d wanted to attend for YEARS. I was committed. I knew I needed to work on myself, I knew I wouldn’t regret it, so I just vowed to make it work. For the first month or so, I kept overbooking my Mastery meetings with other things and I’d have to re-work my schedule. I’m proud that I showed up each week during that 6-months and put in the work and as you’ll see, the results were absolutely worth the effort.

We must “Be” before we can “Do”

I intuitively knew I needed to work on the “Being” quest before I could start my “Doing” quest.

A few weeks in, we were encouraged to do 30 minutes of PQ® reps each day – basically brain exercises to strengthen the area of our brains that help us tap into our inner “Sage.” Our Sage mind is where wisdom, creativity, and intuition live. It’s also where I was able to begin uncovering the elusive love, kindness, empathy and compassion for myself. Instead of feeling like I was a victim of my life, I began to honestly and genuinely have compassion for the difficult spots during my journey, especially the past decade. I started to see myself through the eyes as if I were a loving friend vs. a critical inner voice. I began to see my gifts, step more into my authenticity – and embrace and let go if I was having a bad day vs. beating myself up over needing to rest.

After months of cultivating these skills, it became evident that my health was also suffering, and I needed to prioritize that. I made an appointment with my doctor, cleaned up my diet, and began to take better care of myself.

Slowly I began to settle into myself. Multiple family members have commented on how happy I am. I feel more mentally healthy than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve noticed this fierce inner warrior that bubbles up when to speak up for me when I feel the need to do so. She appears as a result of kindness toward my needs versus resentment or feeling like a victim.

Be Patient

These changes were not an overnight process and it took courage for me to embark on this journey. These insights, skills, and growth are gifts that no one can ever take away from me. The love I feel for myself has enabled me to stand up for myself. Ask for what I need, have difficult conversations. Re-assess relationships and set boundaries. I still feel fear, but I’m able to look at it from a more balanced lens than just succumbing to the fear and staying stuck. I see myself as a human, with flaws and struggles – this helps me connect with others and it helps me understand and give myself grace. The results of this quest have been priceless. It’s a journey I will treasure and it’s given me a practice and an understanding of myself that I wish everyone had.

Only after I’d worked diligently on my “Being” quest did I feel ready to take up my “Doing” quest. Something I’ve realized is that when we take time to work on our “Being”, it prepares us to show up as our best selves, tapping into our inner wisdom, guidance, and intuition. I needed to “Be” before I could focus on “Doing”.

Want to know more?

If you’re intrigued by this work, I’ll be hosting a free Webinar June 20th, 2023 on Mental Fitness. I’ll discuss the concepts, do a brief demo of PQ® Reps and share a bit more about my journey. If you feel called to join me, you may register here.

In addition, I am putting together a small group coaching (POD) to go through the 6-week Intelligence framework and tools. We begin on July 8, 2023. I’d love to have you join our group. One-on-one coaching is also available if that option is preferable for you.

For more information, you can join my weekly email list (below), where I send short emails of inspiration, support and hope as well as details on upcoming events, coaching groups and products that may help you on your journey through midlife.

© 2023 Positive Intelligence, LLC. All rights reserved. No reproduction, alteration,translation,publication or distribution,in any form,printed or electronic, is permitted without the express prior written consent of Positive Intelligence, LLC. POSITIVE INTELLIGENCE®, PQ®, PQ COACH™, CERTIFIED PQ COACH™, and P+ logo™are trademarks of Positive Intelligence,LLC.

Life Transitions – A survival guide

Apr 8, 2023 | Positive Intelligence, Transitions

First of all – what is a life transition?

I’d like to take a moment and normalize life transitions. They are a part of life – sometimes we see them coming, other times they sneak up on us, and sometimes they completely blindside us. Regardless of how we end up there, we all experience them – it doesn’t mean they’re easy or fun to navigate. Some can be downright awful, but that’s why I am here – to help you figure out your path forward, to gather the lessons learned after the transition(s) and get you back on your feet, ready to take on another day.

Life transitions can be: becoming a parent, having your children grow up + leave the nest, the end of a long term relationship (or marriage), the loss of a loved one or a career change. It can even be a years-long worldwide pandemic or a natural disaster.

The commonality of all life transitions is that they shake up our lives and our routines. They may even cause us to pause and re-evaluate beliefs, habits, patterns, friendships, social circles or values. Life transitions can be a distressing time. These times may include grief, emotional processing, therapy and change that requires acceptance and adaptation.

Transitions are often a time of great uncertainty and deeply unsettling. If you’re in the midst of a transition right now, have faith – like all things in life “this too, shall pass”. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. I say that with humor – because in the middle of some of my transitions I certainly wished that awful time would pass – I didn’t care if it felt like a kidney stone (and trust me, some of my transitions were painful). In the end, I was able to extract lessons + growth from all of them and I feel that my journey has prepared me to help others through theirs. This is my calling and it’s my honor to be there to support you in your journey.

Back to Life transitions…

If you’re going through it – whatever it is – know that it’s totally normal to have big emotions and feel like the world may be spinning out of control. Especially if this transition involves deeply emotional shifts (the loss of a loved one or the ending of a long term relationship), it is wise to seek therapy or counseling to work through those feelings.

Coaches can help, but coaches are not professionally trained therapists. When working with a coach, they may refer you to a therapist if they feel you need additional support than what they are able to offer you. Another good idea is to build a support network of friends + family when you’re going through a major change. You may want to search for support groups in your area or online for people experiencing your specific life transition. In my experience, those who were walking a similar walk as I was were very helpful in my journey.

A few helpful tips …

Be gentle with yourself – it’s totally normal to be exhausted by the upheaval of the transition. If you’re learning a new skill, that’s very taxing on your brain. Give yourself grace and extra time to rest, if needed. If you’re walking through grief, that can be positively exhausting and that’s totally normal. If you need more rest than your normally would or you find yourself more emotionally spent than you normally are, those are all things going through grief and transition typically experience. If your exhaustion gets to a level where you cannot complete daily self-care and home care tasks, you may wish to speak to a professional to seek assistance.

I’ve also found that boundaries are helpful, especially in periods of deep emotional change. A great resource on boundaries is Melissa Urban’s “The Book of Boundaries” (affiliate link) – she gives a great overview of boundaries, what they are and what they are not in an easy to read book that is entertaining as well as information. She gives readers options for gentle, firm and firmer delivery of the same boundary, in case the person you are interacting with is having difficulty hearing or accepting your boundary.

Other forms of self-reflection such as journaling, walks in nature and quiet contemplation are great additions to help you discern your path forward and any lessons you may want to process and take forward in your next phase of life.

Times of transition are also the perfect time to invest in and learn about tools that help you weather the storm(s) of your life, it could be a modality such as EFT/Tapping or developing a mental fitness practice.

One of the most impactful practices I’ve ever adopted is learning about Positive Intelligence and building a regular practice of PQ© reps. I am a PQ© Coach and can take clients through a 6-week process to understand the concepts of Positive Intelligence© and how to do PQ© reps. The methods will help you understand how to shift from a stress filled Saboteur led mindset to more of a wise, Sage mindset where you make better decisions and can more easily access insight, intuition and deeply held wisdom. If you’re interested in that program, you can read more here.