Welcome to Midlife
The years in midlife can be a real challenge. It seems like one life-changing situation pops up just after you think you’ve whacked all of the moles from that silly “Whack-A-Mole” game from our childhood outings at Chuck E. Cheese. How do I know? I’ve been there.
I am emerging from what I jokingly refer to as my “Decade of Doom”. Going through it wasn’t much fun at the time. I had multiple life-changing events hit in rapid succession, which I’m now understanding is typical during midlife.
I was frazzled and felt stuck, and chances you – you may feel this way, too. My health was suffering. I was exhausted all the time. I was processing emotions I’d stuffed for years because I was too busy and stressed to be able to unpack and process them. I was a mess. Sound familiar?
So let me tell you one of the best ways I helped myself emerge from my “Decade of Doom” with more wisdom, understanding and grace for myself and for others.
I embarked on a Quest
I’ve spent the last 8 months on a quest – a “being” quest – aimed at working on internal goals. Namely, who do I wish to “BE”. I also defined a “Doing” quest – a goal I wanted to work towards, more of a traditional type goal.
The goal of my “Being” quest was to cultivate compassion, kindness, empathy and love for myself. As someone who has been constantly told “You’re so hard on yourself!” my entire life, it felt odd to me to really examine and learn about the concept of love and compassion in relation to myself.
Whereas my “Doing” quest focused on building my coaching business and other income streams to better support myself financially.
These quest was part of a 6-month program, offered by Positive Intelligence for their PQ® coaches – called PQ® Mastery. All participants in the program were asked to define a quest which they worked toward during the program.
Overcoming Self-Sabotage
My start in the Mastery program was a bit rocky. My Saboteurs were doing everything they could to derail me. It felt like I was fighting against myself. One example: the first week of the Mastery program, I actually dialed in from my pop-up trailer. When I jumped into registration for the event, I realized the first meeting date coincided with the start date of an event I’d wanted to attend for YEARS. I was committed. I knew I needed to work on myself, I knew I wouldn’t regret it, so I just vowed to make it work. For the first month or so, I kept overbooking my Mastery meetings with other things and I’d have to re-work my schedule. I’m proud that I showed up each week during that 6-months and put in the work and as you’ll see, the results were absolutely worth the effort.
We must “Be” before we can “Do”
I intuitively knew I needed to work on the “Being” quest before I could start my “Doing” quest.
A few weeks in, we were encouraged to do 30 minutes of PQ® reps each day – basically brain exercises to strengthen the area of our brains that help us tap into our inner “Sage.” Our Sage mind is where wisdom, creativity, and intuition live. It’s also where I was able to begin uncovering the elusive love, kindness, empathy and compassion for myself. Instead of feeling like I was a victim of my life, I began to honestly and genuinely have compassion for the difficult spots during my journey, especially the past decade. I started to see myself through the eyes as if I were a loving friend vs. a critical inner voice. I began to see my gifts, step more into my authenticity – and embrace and let go if I was having a bad day vs. beating myself up over needing to rest.
After months of cultivating these skills, it became evident that my health was also suffering, and I needed to prioritize that. I made an appointment with my doctor, cleaned up my diet, and began to take better care of myself.
Slowly I began to settle into myself. Multiple family members have commented on how happy I am. I feel more mentally healthy than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve noticed this fierce inner warrior that bubbles up when to speak up for me when I feel the need to do so. She appears as a result of kindness toward my needs versus resentment or feeling like a victim.
Be Patient
These changes were not an overnight process and it took courage for me to embark on this journey. These insights, skills, and growth are gifts that no one can ever take away from me. The love I feel for myself has enabled me to stand up for myself. Ask for what I need, have difficult conversations. Re-assess relationships and set boundaries. I still feel fear, but I’m able to look at it from a more balanced lens than just succumbing to the fear and staying stuck. I see myself as a human, with flaws and struggles – this helps me connect with others and it helps me understand and give myself grace. The results of this quest have been priceless. It’s a journey I will treasure and it’s given me a practice and an understanding of myself that I wish everyone had.
Only after I’d worked diligently on my “Being” quest did I feel ready to take up my “Doing” quest. Something I’ve realized is that when we take time to work on our “Being”, it prepares us to show up as our best selves, tapping into our inner wisdom, guidance, and intuition. I needed to “Be” before I could focus on “Doing”.
Want to know more?
If you’re intrigued by this work, I’ll be hosting a free Webinar June 20th, 2023 on Mental Fitness. I’ll discuss the concepts, do a brief demo of PQ® Reps and share a bit more about my journey. If you feel called to join me, you may register here.
In addition, I am putting together a small group coaching (POD) to go through the 6-week Intelligence framework and tools. We begin on July 8, 2023. I’d love to have you join our group. One-on-one coaching is also available if that option is preferable for you.
For more information, you can join my weekly email list (below), where I send short emails of inspiration, support and hope as well as details on upcoming events, coaching groups and products that may help you on your journey through midlife.
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This blog post is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. Desiree is not a professionally trained therapist. If you are in need of assistance from a professionally trained therapist or counselor, please seek help. This is simply a guide of what many people experience during a change or shift in their life.
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